Reviewed by Alicia Glass
Studio: Universal Pictures
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Ernest R. Dickerson
The last Demon Knight who bears the Key that holds the blood of Christ, among others, has a final showdown in a church-turned-hostel against The Collector and his mutated servants!
I’ve loved Tales From the Crypt the show for years and years, and was totally bummed when it finally went off the air on HBO. I know, there were 7 whole seasons to have fun with, including an entire cartoon episode, but we horror-philes always want more! So imagine my delight in hearing of the TFtC movie, starring as the Demon Knight William Sadler, who was also in one of the very first Tales episodes, and Billy Zane as the Collector, or Major Demon foe! We also have Jada Pinkett Smith, we all know who that is; CCH Pounder, Dick Miller, and Thomas Hayden Church. All combine to make a very strong story that never has too much of anything, be it comedy or drama or horror. Billy Zane gets the best one-liners in this movie, such as, “That eyeball ***t? Only works on low-level demons. I know, who makes up all these rules?!”
So Brayker is now the Keeper of the Key, for in the Beginning when God supposedly created the earth and all, the demons in the void were trying to take over, so the Keys and their Keepers were made. Makes sense to me. Fast forward about two million millennia, hey the demons are back, they’ve got six of the Keys, and they discover the last Key here on earth around a Carpenter being crucified by the Romans. Sound familiar? Cut past that to here in the now-present, where Brayker is holing up in the church-turned-hostel, only to be found by the police and then the Collector himself. The Collector and his demons can’t get past the blood seal Brayker puts in the building, so a great deal of the movie involves them trying to get IN and the good guys trying to get OUT. And then of course the Collector just has to go and try and seduce the good guys, it’s not like it’s hard to seduce a whore with low self esteem or anything, and her horrible boyfriend wanted to get the Key and give it to those things anyways. Uncle Willy is easy to seduce, with alcohol and topless floosies of course, whereas Irene has enough gumption to shadow giving the Collector the finger from her missing arm. And dear little Jeryline is able to withstand the Collector too, being much stronger than she appears, for a very special reason.
Wacky, fun, and outrageously gross in an almost playful way, the very first official Tales from the Crypt movie is a must for every Halloween! Took way too long to come out on DVD, but it is now, go buy it!