Reviewed by Alicia Glass
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Simon West
Review Rating: 7
Old enemies and new allies approach The Expendables gang to go after a brand new villain and the tech he stole!
If you thought the first Expendables was ridiculous, hoo-boy are you in for a bad tasting lolli after the dentist. This here sequel is so much worse, so campy, so everything the first was and a whole lot more, it’s so bad, one can’t help but smile at it. It even has Chuck Norris as the new hidden ally, wasn’t there enough action beefcake in here?! The bad guy is actually called Vilain, and of course he’s acted (if you can call it that) by JCVD, mister splits on the countertop, himself. The name is so close to villain, it might as well have been that, and I thought all the flexing muscles and funny accents were just pronouncing the word “villain” wrong. Sly and Statham and my personal favorite, Jet Li, are all back but Li gets all of maybe 20 minutes screen time, toward the beginning where’s he contemplating getting out of this kind of life, and doesn’t show back up in the film like at all after that. Dolph Lundgren’s character has been brought back to the group, mostly for comedic relief apparently, which is kind of an oxy moron. Dear Ah-nold and Bruce are back in their formerly bad guy roles, now practically begging for the gangs help and being goofy in a tiny car shootout. Terry Crews and Randy Coutoure are back too, all muscly and gruff and scary. There is even a Hemsworth in there, no not the one you’re thinking of though, as the new guy. Nan Yu is Maggie, the female lead that Church wants to insist goes with the gang when he sends them off on their latest mission!
Every iconic man gets a tagline, their chosen weapon that they’re known for from previous movies, and at least one climactic scene where they alone are pictures plugging away at bad guys like they were posing for their own badass movie poster! There is still a plot, you say? Fie, I say! We don’t need no stinkin plot, not when there’s more aging action stars than you can shake a broken black belt at!