Stowed away on secret government ships!

Reviewed by: Alicia Glass
Published on: March 23, 2022
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190080/ (URL is not moviemoxie.net)
Available on: Netflix
Content release date: 2009-11-13

Reviewed by Alicia Glass

Review Rating: 7

Based on the idea that the Mayan calendar predicted some time ago that the world would end on December 12th, 2012, a series of global cataclysms band together the last of humanity for survival.

I am terribly sorry, for those fans out there who actually liked this movie. Sure, it’s big and epic and has tons and tons of CGI world-ending stuffs – that doesn’t make it good. I actually like John Cusack in a good deal of the movies he did, that still doesn’t save 2012. This is, sadly, one of those movies that can be summed up in a simple sentence: Is this trip really necessary? The disasters, to my mind, were never adequately explained other than…solar flares? Well, okay. So the world starts crumbling, people begin dying, California sinks under earthquakes and tsunamis, Yellowstone turns itself into an active volcano, and the Sistene Chapel tears itself apart right between the questing fingers of God and Adam on the ceiling. There are far too many narrow escapes with the plane rescuing John Cusack’s character and his family, for my taste. And sure, we see the stubborn monk in his high monastery in the Himalayas, serenely refusing to leave and consulting the heavens for answers, only to have nature rush in like a rampaging bull and destroy everything in sight!

I fail to see the point. Why make such a thing? Sure, it’s a (somewhat) original concept for a movie, and yet look what they did with it. There’s no mega-hero that’s going to save the entire world with a flex and a witticism, instead we have wiry and witty Mr. Cusack. The president is played by Danny Glover of Lethal Weapon fame, and yes, I think he does a pretty good job. But his presence lacks, well, presence. And Woody Harrelson as the nutjob conspiracy theorist who lives out in the wilds of Yellowstone to broadcast his end of the world message to anyone, but who also happens to be right about almost everything and has a secret map to a top-secret facility where the government has ships. Wait, ships? The government knew about this and didn’t tell us plebs? The hell you say! Yes, the government has ships, they’re calling em *thud* arks, and people all over the world are buying tickets to these ships any way they can. Plus it looks like China is pulling a Christian variable and bringing the legendary pair of every large animal to the arks too. And Jackson Curtis (Cusack) and several other adults, plus two kids and a damn dog, manage to smuggle their way onto one of these arks, just in time to do the very dangerous thing and dive down into water to save them all. Oh sure, it looks awesome, but the likelihood is laughable. And by the way, in case noone warned you, the movie really is almost 3 hours longgg.

If you want just a high-flying eye-popping end of the world adventure without a whole lot of worry about that silly accuracy thing, then 2012 is for you!